I. This is a huge topic that I will return to in due time, as more issues specific to consent come up, such as consent when both parties are under the influence, or what the lack of consent means in different contexts. This article will give a brief introduction to issues surrounding consent, so that later topics are easier to dive into. Consent means agreement or permission to do something, and in this context we will say that you must consent to any sexual act with another person(s) and vise versa in order for that act to be okay; that is, not abuse, molestation, or rape. Below is a general set of rules to follow about consent. II. Consent must be ALL of the following:

Sober - this one may seem especially strange given the hookup culture we witness in a college setting.

Sustained - a yes must continue to be a yes throughout sex - there is no point of no return. If something happens or someone changes their mind and no longer feels comfortable consenting, then things must stop.

Verbal - consent should be explicit, in order to make sure there are no miscommunications or overstepping of boundaries.

Enthusiastic - consent should sound happy! If someone sounds angry or unhappy while they are giving consent, chances are something is wrong and not being said. If you get the vibes that something is wrong while you are trying to agree to any sexual activity, the best course of action is to not continue.

Not that this is all that consent can be - there are many other factors given the context, but these are great guidelines when quickly analyzing a situation before you proceed. III. What all of these aspects of consent mean for hookups and one night stands in places like bars and clubs? You can express consent or explicitly state that you are not consenting, or even revoke previously given consent at any point. My suggestion would always be to go out with friends, and if you think you are looking for a hookup 1) be prepared and have protection (contraceptives, etc.) on you, 2) inform your friends of your plan, and 3) hold off on drinking until you and the other party both know the deal and have consented accordingly. Let the people around you know if you are not okay with going home with someone else, as they can help to remind you of this once you are drunk. If you start the night wanting to hookup with someone(s) but then change your mind - by all means, do not hook up with that someone(s). If the reverse happens, talk to your friends - if you are really under the influence when you change your mind, it might not be the best idea, and missing out on one hook up night will not hurt you. Your friends may be able to reassure of this as well. IV. What about in relationships or even on a date? All of these guidelines still apply to your partner(s). Being in a relationship (or relationships) brings its own set of challenges in that you want to make the other person feel comfortable and happy. You should always keep in mind that pressuring for sex or being pressured for sex is wrong, and if you are afraid that it is becoming a pattern, talk to your partner(s). If you feel uncomfortable with that, find a resource such as Health and Wellness that can provide you with options on how to proceed. Do keep in mind that you never owe anyone sex - if your partner(s) are making you feel that way, make it clear to he/she/them and to yourself that they are not entitled to this, because at the end of the day, your body only belongs to you - nobody else has a say in that, even if they paid for dinner and a movie. V. How about group sex? Does every member have to consent? Note first that group sex is illegal in China - I will talk more about the implications of this in a later issue. The answer is still yes, every person must meet each of the four criteria above. Group sex makes everything a little more complicated, because more than two people have to consent and also that there is the concern of more bodies, more health risks, so safe sex becomes even more of a challenge. That certainly does not mean that group sex is wrong or even hard to achieve, but it requires a lot of open, honest communication - which all sexual activity should have. VI. More on Consent I certainly am not going to call myself an expert on the subject of consent - in fact, I would hesitate to call anyone an expert in the matter. Consent is more complicated than we give it credit for, but thankfully the internet is here. Copied below are a few links that can serve as valuable resources on issues concerning consent.

https://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/was-it-rape

http://share.cornell.edu/policies-laws/sex-alcohol-and-clear-consent/

https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/advocacy/sex-and-the-law/consent

Now each of these links comes from sources working within a certain legal parameter that does not quite apply to everyone here (especially when it comes to age of consent, which is fourteen in China), but still provides excellent information on consent. That is all for now, but there is still more to come. Tune in next week for the forbidden back door. This article was written by Sexy Shanghai'er. Send an email to [email protected] to get in touch. Photo Credit: Fukagawa @ Flickr (Background)